The Study of Quickflix TV

Miss Natalie French – Sunnydale High relief biology teacher by day, praying mantis by night

Check out the episode "Teacher’s Pet" on Buffy The Vampire Slayer-Season 1 - Disc 1 (1996)

Gorgeous Miss French arrives in Sunnydale suspiciously soon after biology teacher Dr Gregory is killed by a giant praying mantis. Then she drugs hormone driven football stars Blayne and Xander, locking them in a cage full of headless bodies. It's up to Buffy to save them by slicing and dicing the now giant mantis like Miss-French.

Look out for Jean Speegle Howard, mum of Ron 'Richie Cunningham' and Clint 'Gentle Ben' Howard, playing the elderly version of Miss French. And check out Miss French turning her head all the way around a la Regan in “The Exorcist”, whilst leaving an egg sack stirring at the bottom of the classroom cupboard.

Jeremy Brown – English as a second language night school teacher

'Por favour?'

Check out the episode "All Present If Not Correct" on The Best of Mind Your Language - Volume 4 (1977)

Is it an indictment on my education that I learnt more French grammar watching the sensual Madame Danielle Favre in "Mind Your Language" than I did in four years of classes at school? 'Por favour?' – well, yep, my limited grasp of Spanish comes from Danielle’s fellow student Juan Cervantes too. If racial stereotypes and catchphrase comedy is your thing, you’ll love this sitcom. A naïve tutor struggles to teach the Queen’s English to a group of immigrants new to London, the whole time battling with a traditional prim and proper school 'maam' principal.

In "All Present If Not Correct", it’s a new term for the old gang of students. Watch out for Anna Bergman, daughter of famed arthouse film director Ingmar, playing the new arrival Ingrid from Sweden.

Miss Grundy – Riverdale High geography teacher

'Great! I finally meet a girl who likes me and it turns out she's the teacher who made me retake geography in summer school'.

Check out the episode "Twisted Youth" on Archie's Weird Mysteries-Volume 5 (1999)

I grew up devouring Archie comics. All those great bubblegum pop songs from the 60s cartoon TV show were the soundtrack to my dreams of drinking soda and malted milks at the counter of Pop Tate’s. This late ‘90s twisted animated update has things going all B-grade movie style in the town of Riverdale. UFOs, mad scientists, zombies and werewolves are everywhere. In “Twisted Youth”, Riverdale High principal Mr Weatherbee and Miss Grundy rediscover the fountain of their teenage youth after drinking from the town’s age-reversing chemical infused water supply. While Archie and nerd pal Dilton Doiley search for an antidote, listen for Reggie Mantle’s reaction to Miss Grundy’s amorous advances - ‘Great! I finally meet a girl who likes me and it turns out she’s the teacher who made me retake geography in summer school’.

Miss Sherwood – School of the Arts English teacher

Check out the episode "A Big Finish" on Fame-Season 1 - Disc 4 (1982)

The School of the Arts in New York City students may study dance under Lydia Grant, and music with Professor Shorofsky, but they also have to master basic spelling and grammar requirements – which is where Miss Sherwood comes in. One day she arrives at school early and a stray dog leads her to two homeless men living in the school basement. They won’t take charity, so the students and staff put on a benefit concert for them. Two TV immortals, Art Carney (Ed Norton from "The Honeymooners") and Ray Walston (Uncle Martin in "My Favourite Martian") guest star, capping the night off with a duet of "A Couple of Swells".

Mr Heyman – high school gym coach and hygiene teacher

'He's older, completely covered in filth, no whistle, but I think it's him'

Check out the episode "The Library" on Seinfeld-Season 3 - Disc 1 (1990)

When Jerry is investigated by the New York Public Library about a copy of “Tropic of Cancer” he’s had on loan since 1971, bad memories of gym class come flooding back for George. His teacher’s campaign of terror included making him smell his own gym socks, wear a jockstrap on his head, and he deliberately mispronounced Costanza, ‘Cantstandya’. George eventually had Mr Heyman sacked when the teacher gave him a wedgie after class. Could George’s teenage tormentor with the baked bean teeth be the same man now living as a hobo on the library steps?

Peggy Hill – Tom Landry Middle School substitute (sex education) teacher

Check out the episode "Square Peg" on King of the Hill-Season 1 - Disc 1 (1997)

Hank faces a personal crisis when he discovers Tom Landry Middle School offers his son Bobby sex education classes as part of their curriculum. Hank’s own attempt to self-educate his son on the birds and the bees by taking him to watch cows mate at the local dairy farm fails. Redneck neighbour Dale exacerbates the problem by phoning in a death threat to the teacher overseeing the subject, scaring her into a resignation. It’s up to Peg to step into the breach, swapping her normal Spanish class duties for sex ed. Not since “Little House on the Prairie’s” Caroline Ingalls filled in for Miss Beadle and her sprained ankle has there been a better substitute teacher than Peggy Hill.

Groundskeeper Willie - head groundskeeper at Springfield Elementary School

'There’s nary an animal alive that can outrun a greased Scotsman!'

Check out the episode "Who Shot Mr Burns?" on The Simpsons -Season 6 - Disc 4 (1994)

There was a cleaner at my school who’d curse and moan at the perpetrator as he threw another handful of sawdust from his steel bucket on to the pool of vomit on the classroom floor. As much as he had Groundskeeper Willie’s demeanour, things they didn’t have in common were Willie’s Scottish brogue; my school cleaner didn’t rescue students by wrestling wolves to the ground; he didn’t share Willie’s predilection for filming couple’s in cars; and I’m pretty sure Willie was the only one of the two conceived on his parent’s hotel’s pool table. Like all (according to legend) true Scotsmen, Willie free bags. This was discovered when Bart tied helium balloons to Willie’s kilt at Scotchtoberfest. Check out this episode though to discover the true horror of Willie’s kiltish charms, as he recreates the famous Sharon Stone “Basic Instinct” scene. Crossing and uncrossing his legs during a police interrogation into Mr Burns’ attempted murder, Willie ends the charade only when mortified police officers point a gun warning him to stop.

Nurse Gollum and her sibling (or 'Conjoined Foetus Lady') - South Park Elementary School

Check out the episode "Conjoined Fetus Lady" on South Park-Volume 4 (1998)

When Kyle gets a bloody nose during a game of dodgeball in P.E., it’s off to the sick bay. But the boys are terrified when they finally meet Nurse Gollum. She suffers from 'Conjoined Twin Myslexia'. This means she has a stillborn foetus sticking out of her head! When Kyle's Mum Sheila hears the boys making fun of the nurse, her political activism kicks in, organising 'Conjoined Twin Myslexia Week'. Look for the town parade featuring novelty hats that mirror the nurse’s condition.

Nellie Olsen – Walnut Grove School House bully

'Made me so mad, I wanted to smack her good!'

Check out the episode "Country Girls" on Little House on the Prairie-Season 1-Part 1 - Disc 1 (1974)

In the 1970s Buddy Hinton taunted Cindy in "The Brady Bunch" about her lisp with his 'Baby talk, baby talk, it's a wonder you can walk' banter. In the 1870s, Charles Ingalls moved his family to Plum Creek, Minnesota. He might have expected trouble for his girls from timber wolves or cougars, but not a spoilt blonde curly haired brat named Nellie. In this episode, it’s Mary and Laura’s first day at a new school. Nellie leads the taunting with 'country girls' jibes about the Ingalls girls' clothes. Just like when Cindy Brady’s step-brother Peter stepped in and belted Buddy loosening his front tooth, Nellie makes Laura 'so mad, I wanted to smack her good!'

"The Zit Remedy" (Joey Jeremiah, Snake and Wheels) jam in the Degrassi Junior High gym

Check out the episode "Bye Bye Junior High" on Degrassi Junior High-Season 3-Disc 2 (1986)

They did release "Everybody Wants Something" on their debut cassette "The Zit Remedy ...Live", but would they ever do anything beyond practice in the gym? With Joey on keyboards and Snake in his “Iron Maiden” t-shirt on guitar, things didn’t look good when Wheels sold his bass. With "The Zit Remedy" booked to play the junior high graduation dance, will Joey meet the deal he struck with his parents of only being able to attend if his school results are good enough? (note: "The Zit Remedy" later changed their name to "The Zits", perhaps following in the footsteps of Australian band "Sherbert" who once changed to "The Sherbs".)